Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu

"Frustration is my lexicon of hate."

Metallica plays behind Lou Reed at one concert; he asks them to do a record with him; they say yes. The result, even before I get started, is getting a buttload of shitty reviews. I have to quote one of the best lines I saw, by Chuck Klosterman: "If the Red Hot Chili Peppers acoustically covered the 12 worst Primus songs for Starbucks, it would still be (slightly) better than this."

This is okay, I'm saying to myself. I assume Metallica fans were the first responders here, being Napster-loving downloaders. And those guys are not the most open-minded of art-lovers. They freak out at the slightest of production-style changes. They're not going to understand a guy reciting poetry of over riffy jams with no chorus or lyrical melody to speak of.

So, while I'm still a big enough fan of Metallica, I was going to put on my Lou Reed fan-hat for this, because the view will probably be better. He really started this whole thing off, writing the basic tracks, while Metallica heavied-up the arrangements.

And for the most part... I'm okay with the collaboration. Metallica is as heavy if not heavier than they have been in years. Particularly on "Mistress Dread", which is an unrelenting thrash concrete wall. The harshest part is the vocal stylings of a rambling of a bum on the street waltzing Mathilda. Granted, I DO believe that Lou is more important than that, but his style is of course, one of a particular taste. And I'm actually happier than he's got a good, heavy band behind him. Otherwise, the 11+ minute repetition of "Why do I cheat on me?" would have been more unbearable than it otherwise is.
  
It's not all that repetitive though. I mean hell, the opening line is "I would cut my arms and tits off when I think of Boris Karloff." That's... interesting. And later on, "to be dry and spermless like a girl"... And I'm not ashamed to admit that it's all a little abstract. Based on a 19th century playwright, Lulu is definitely a desirable girl who gets shit on. And surely learns to do a lot of shitting on. And then there's apparently a Jack The Ripper element. It's way dark and hateful, which adds a good flavor.

There's a lot of quieter, feedback-laden passages where Lou tests our patience. The aforementioned "Cheat On Me" and "Little Dog" where we're comforted in knowing "as long as you can raise that little doggy face to a cold-hearted pussy, you could have a taste."

But there are good spots. The first four tracks in particular are strong, heavy, lyrically interesting and vocally strong (as strong as a near-70 year old bitter guy can drum up). It's an odd collaboration to be sure, but a kid today could just as easily have thrown out "I wish that I could kill you, but I do love your eyes." and it wouldn't seem as pure as someone with a lifetime of asshole women in his memory. "The one who rejects you is winning." I might have pushed it to 4 stars, had they removed the drone feedback and the "Cheat On Me" track. But, as it stands, (3.5 of 5 stars)