LL Cool J - Authentic

To be clear, I am only listening to this album because I am a huge Van Halen fan, and for some reason, Eddie decided to play as a guest on two tracks. My focus will surely be on those, but yes- I'll listen to the whole record. Even if, gosh darnit, it does NOT include his recent Brad Paisley collaboration "Accidental Racist". Boo-hoo.

The first track is "Bath Salt" though... which is an odd deadly ugly drug to make a dance track out of. But I'm mostly okay with it. Kind of like a little faster, rawer version of Usher's "Yeah" "Hand on my nuts, that's product placement"

"Not Leaving You Tonight" is one of the EVH tracks. A romantic dedication with Fitz of the Tantrums taking over chorus duties. Eddie keeps the flow of the solo simple, straying from the hammer-on hummingbird and instead sustaining on a whail with distortion to see him through. Why he failed to make this a single is beyond me.

While his liner notes would have you believe that the album will be a hodgepodge of different styles that reflect his many (20+) famous collaborators, the rest of the album is really just varied styles of hip-hop. "Give Me Love" for example, could have been a soulful R&B classic, with Seal's pained chorus and the introspective verses about fear and loneliness. But LL can't still restrain himself long enough to turn it into a sex jam. "Give it to me, baby" being recited over and over again makes no sense here.

Travis Barker brings the beats on the other Van Halen track, the "Lose Yourself"- like "We're The Greatest". Eddie mostly follows the pre-defined melody, but it's chunky and he gets to noodle around really quickly. I'd love to hear the isolated track.

Other tracks that benefit from its collaborations, LL seems to be missing on. Or at least, not making the best of the jam. Barker quite awesomely brings the funk on a pair of songs. One with Bootsy Collins called "Bartender Please". And another with Tom Morello called "Whaddup". Both would be valiant club powerhouses, but LL brings nothing close to "Mama Said..." It seems like instead of hosting a great party and inviting a ton of interesting people, LL let some folks run rampant in his house while he stayed on the porch. (2.5 of 5 stars)